Breaking Down 5 Insanely Expensive Vegas Suites
For a while, my life’s ambition was to be so rich that no one could tell me what to do. Then, I stumbled across the extravagant world of Vegas suites and moved the goalposts. I want to be so goddamn rich that I can stay in any suite in the city and not bat an eye.
I’m here today to share these 5 insanely expensive Vegas suites and decide whether or not they’re worth the price of admission. While I can’t exactly afford to stay at any of these places (yet), that doesn’t mean I can’t dream. Maybe one day I’ll hit it big at the roulette table and spend my winnings in one of these rooms, celebrating in ways I can’t legally get into right now. Probably not, but let me have this.
Top 5 Most Expensive Vegas Suites
#5 - Napoleon Suite
Pass. I’m sure this is cool if you’re a Ph.D. in Art History, but I’m here to celebrate gambling winnings, not star in a period piece about the French Revolution. The whole suite looks like a museum, and its biggest selling point is a view of the Eiffel Tower, which isn’t even the real Eiffel Tower. I don’t understand who is paying for this. If you’re shelling out $4k a night to live like a King Louis XIV, then we don’t have a lot in common. Next.
#4 - Chairman Suite
Now, this is what I’m talking about. The clear winner here is the insane view of the city, which you have from every room, and the bathrooms, which feature Italian marble, a whirlpool, and Swiss steam showers. Better than the amenities is the access, including a private elevator and pool, as well as your own personal chef from their five-star restaurant. You’re absolutely nuts if you think I’m not making this guy cook me chicken fingers at 3:00 AM after a night of winning big.
It’s so classy it almost makes me feel bad about how hard I’ll celebrate there. Almost.
#3 - Hardwood Suite
Hotel: Palms Casino
That’s right, there’s a literal basketball court in this suite and those aren’t just walls by the rim – they’re Murphy Beds that pull down into king-sized beds. If your crew is the active type, this suite has everything you need – pool table, fitness center, poker table, and, of course, the basketball court. That’s cool and all, but I’m a little hesitant. Maybe I’m crazy, but when I’m in Vegas, the last thing I want to do is play basketball or sleep in the same room as two other guys.
This suite is like an episode of Pimp My Ride, when someone tells Xzibit that they like fish, so he puts a fish tank in their trunk. We get it, basketball is cool, but do you really need to have a shrine to the sport in every single room? Seems a little tacky. Not worth the $25k that I don’t have.
#2 - Sky Villa
Hotel: Palms Casino
This is not fair. Just not fair at all. If you have $35,000 lying around, this is the only place to spend it. This place is two stories, has a private pool, massage room, 17-seat bar, and its own gym. This is ideal for a massive bachelor party or night of celebration after winning a huge bet.
The only downside is that it’s not on the Strip and a little removed from the action. But honestly, the place already looks like a nightclub – is there any reason to leave?
#1 - Nobu Villa
Hotel: Caesars Palace
You need to check out the full tour for yourself because pictures won’t do it justice.
This place has its own full outdoor terrace, with a bar and incredible views of the Strip. It also has a secluded Zen garden for you to go take a Xanax and chill out when you start thinking about how you paid $35k a night to stay here. Honestly, it just might be worth it.
There’s an indoor sauna, hot tub, cool art (if you’re into that), and a personal butler to pick up the glasses you throw after the Jets didn’t cover. And since you’re staying at the Nobu, it has its own personal sushi bar and around-the-clock room service. Most importantly, Miley Cyrus, Bieber, and J-Lo have all stayed there before, which makes you definitely just as cool as them. I’m already starting a GoFundMe to rent this palace out, but if any of you have $35k to blow, you could save me a lot of trouble by booking the villa and taking me with you.